So I am a pagan. Did you know that? I’m sure you didn’t but if you look it up it’s the coolest thing since Scientology. You should join in, everyone is doing it, check it out!
The term can be defined broadly, to encompass the faith traditions outside the Abrahamic monotheistic group of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.
Actually, that’s not all that impressive. It’s just a cop out from calling myself an Atheist, which in my mind is a lot like yelling “Yo’ Momma” jokes while walking blindfolded at night. It’s also a book smartish way to say that I don’t care about religion at all.
It’s not that I am anti-religion, I see it’s affects and have gained personally from it’s various holidays of giving. Christmas, the birthday party of a man I don’t believe in has served me VERY well. Annually receiving gifts, without ANY fear of crucification at all. So as many wonder, what has drawn me to a pagan path?
It’s not so much that I shut out any religion (though I have slammed doors on missionaries) it’s mostly because I was never taught anything biblical or otherwise. I learned a bit about Jesus and God from various religious relatives and pop culture, but for the bulk of my life, I have had no contact with anything holy. I could blame my parents for this, but I’m really not one to blame.
The unfortunate part of this paganism is not so much my eternal damnation, but the realization that I know more about the relative canon of “The Simpsons”, than I do about the entire hebrew race of people. I mention The Simpsons mostly for two reasons; 1: I’ve watched The Simpsons like some people read the bible, and 2: Most of the what I know about Judaeo-Christian religions is based on what I have learned from various episodes of the show.
Most notably, the fact that Krusty the Klown is jewish was a major turning point in my life, in a sense. Before the classic episode, I had no idea what a Bris was, or even who or what a Rabbi was. I always assumed that like The Greatful Dead, ZZ Top had an aging fan base of die hards.
This is a bit embarrassing, considering that I am currently editing a Bat-Mitzvah video (which I now know is a Bar-Mitzvah for girls). Even more embarrassing is that through my entire life, I have only known one practicing jewish person. I know a million and a half different Christians, each with some specific name for their sect, but only one practicing jew!
I assume this is not my fault, small town Alberta isn’t really a place where one will find much culture without looking for it, but now that I am in Montreal, I feel a bit out of place. It’s the only thing that is really reminding me of my deep redneck roots, that and the pale shade of red that keeps plaguing all attempts at fitting in.
So anyways, my post has become unstructured and I should be making my way in to the weekend. I will leave you with a request; Anonymously (or not) post your religion (or one that you think is super cool) and link me a thing or two that I did not already know about it (assume I know very little, but please challenge me a bit).
Christian religions get 1 point per link, unless they are specifically protestant or catholic facts, then you get 2 points. Anything else gets 2 points, except any religion that adheres to the spiritual governance by animals, that will get you 4 points (5 if the animal is also half human). If your religion involves any form of cannibalism you get 10 points, please provide some type of proof (no pictures).
Finally, you win the contest if you can provide a link to scripture or religious law that explicably contradicts another of it’s own laws. (Note: I assume almost every religion does this, and I will assume that ANYONE that can find this flaw in their own religion is truly a winner.) Each point can be redeemed for 1 ounce of pure gold or precious metal of choice, available for pickup in your prescribed afterlife (tell them Jaron sent you).
Tags: god, hebrew, hindu, israelites, jeebus, jesus, moses, pagan, paganism, ranting, spaghetti monster, wild accusations
